i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
