If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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