dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
