just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
