I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
