this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
