I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the day after is always just damage control
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
