My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
