DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
