i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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