I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
