I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
