Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
