I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
porn star boner night. come get it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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