Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
