that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
