Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
