I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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