I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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