thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
