I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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