just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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