p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
