I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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