Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
