thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize