Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
