We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
