How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
