Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
