The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
