Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wanna passion pit in your ass
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will pee on everything he values.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize