she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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