She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
