he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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