the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
