I am midnight drunk by noon
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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