sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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