I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
