P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
