They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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