I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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