I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
