what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
