i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
