from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
