as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
