im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
