Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize