drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
