Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize