This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
