i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
