on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
