So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
