We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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