you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
