Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
