I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
