I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
