I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
