I skipped work to stalk him.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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