I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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