We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
