your thong is hanging out like whoa
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
