thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
