If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Quick, to the slutcave!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize