So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
