I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
