he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
