What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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