yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ttyl tear gas
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
