Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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