And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
