Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
