Define "chronic" masturbator.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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