I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize