We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
