um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's blow job season.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
